Consecrated Condoms:
The Safe and PC Way to do the Great Rite

Metaphysical shops all over are installing condom machines dispensing consecrated condoms. These condoms are blessed for use in various activities and rites.

A sampling of the different types are:

The Fertility Rite condom: Green, anointed with fertility oils, and a pinhole is included. For use at Beltane orgies by people who want to look PC but secretly want to get/make pregnant with the child of the "King Stag".

The Anonymous God condom: Blessed to allow the wearer to remain anonymous during the act. The recipient of the blessing will not remember who it was, but will remember how good it was.

The Man in the Wood condom: Consecrated to allow the wearer to maintain the act indefinitely. Immensely useful for those users who have problems keeping the act going. Anointed with "Maintain" gel.

The Jack "off" the Green condom: Blessed art those who engage in the act with themselves. Can also be used by those who enjoy the use of another's hands on" experience for their magical expurgations.

The Trickster condom: Will it work, or won't it work? You won't know 'til a few weeks later.

The Panpipe condom: Blessed with the ability to play 4 different ethereal songs, depending upon the speed and force of each thrust.

The Satyr/Nymph condom: Sloppy seconds? No more! This condom has been ritually blessed to allow the wearer to conduct in several sessions; no muss no fuss, it's self-cleaning!

The Necromancer condom: For when it's necessary to raise the dead. (Disclaimer: Not responsible for maggots, rotted flesh, or zombified
participants during use. Use at your own risk.)

© 2002 Jackie Beltaine
May be reproduced as long as this notice remains intact.