Amusing Tarot Affirmations

0. Fool: “I have such firm belief in the path I have chosen that I may confidently tell someone who has chosen another path that he is a Fool.”

1. Magician: “It’s all about me.”

2. High Priestess: “I will remain aloof and secretive so people will think I am deep and wise.”

3. Empress: “I deserve to just sit around and wallow in self-indulgence.”

4. Emperor: “I will, in all ways, strive to exert control over the lives of those around me.”

5. Hierophant: “My beliefs are the right ones, and it is my destiny to impose them on the rest of the world.”

6. Lovers: “I will only commit to a relationship when I find one that is perfect in every way.”

7. Chariot: “Today I will trample the needs of others in my mad dash for success.”

8. Strength: “When I hear someone say something stupid it is my right to put them down and shut them up.”

9. Hermit: “Since I am all that I need, it is my right to maintain a discrete distance from all the idiots in the world.”

10. The Wheel of Fortune: “Shit happens, so I give myself permission to shirk responsibility for my life.”

11. Justice: “Two wrongs will not make a right, but getting back at someone will make me feel better.”

12. Hanged Man: “Today I will find a passive-aggressive way to make someone else feel guilty about all the suffering in my life.”

13. Death: “I work to help the people around me transform their lives so that they may better accommodate my needs.”

14. Temperance: “I serve as an example of virtuous and temperate behavior so that I may chide all who fail to live up to my high standards.”

15. Devil: “Today I will nurture my inner demons.”

16. Tower: “I have every right to feel secure in the ability of my material wealth to protect me from life’s calamities.”

17. Star: “Today I will commit to at least one unrealistic goal.”

18. Moon: “Today I will find new and interesting ways to delude myself about my life.”

19. Sun: “Since I deserve boundless joy and happiness, I give myself permission to experiment with anti-depressants.”

20. Judgment: “Today I will find at least one unhappy, unfortunate person whose shortcomings I can criticize with a justifiable sense of superiority.”

21. World: “Every day, and in every way, I am becoming better and better than everyone else.”

~~ Source Unknown ~~